There once lived a single mother with three children in an
apartment the heart of New York City. The hard working mother loved her
children and worked hard to give them the best childhood. A waitress at a 24/7
diner, the mother worked night shifts and during the day so that she could spend
as much time as possible with her children.
On one evening, the mother had cooked a big meal and had
just set the table for dinner when she received a call from her manager. A
waitress had gotten sick at the diner and they were desperate for help.
Reluctantly, the mother said she would fill the spot needed at the diner.
“Okay children, I will be gone for just a couple of hours.
Don’t open the door for anyone until I get back!” said the mother who was
worried due to the crime-heavy neighborhood.
“How will we know the open the door for you when you get
back?” asked the children.
“I’m wearing my white gloves, if you see my white gloves you
will know it is me,” said the mother.
Next door, an ex-convict listened to the conversation
between the mother and her children. When he heard the mother leave, he went to
find white gloves. A few minutes passed the convict knocked on the children’s
door with his white gloves.
“Who is it?” asked the children.
“It’s your mother,” said the convict, “I don’t have to go to
work anymore, see my white gloves?”
The children let him inside. The convict kidnapped two
children, but the oldest child escaped and hid.
When the mother made it back to the apartment, the oldest
child came out from hiding to share with her mother what had just happened.
Angry, the mother called 911 to report the problem. She then grabbed a bat and
headed to the convict’s apartment. Busting the door open, she saw the convict
tying up her two youngest children.
“Let them go!” screamed the mother.
“Leave before you get hurt,” said the convict.
The mother ran toward the convict with her bat and he jumped
back to find something to fight with. When the mother made her first swing the
convict took another jump back. The mother continued to pursue the convict with
her back until the convict’s back was against the window on the wall. With one
final swing, the convict fell through the window and died. The mother untied the
children brought them home to safety. She promised to never leave them alone
again.
The mother works as a waitress at a diner.
Photo Cred: Pix Good
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a spin off from the Persian Fairy Tales, The Wolf and The Goat. In the fairy tale, a mother goat leaves her baby goats home alone and a wolf comes and steals her children. The mother goat then finds the wolf and challenges him to a fight. The wolf ends up falling in water and dies and the goats arrive back home safely. Instead of animals, I decided to create this story in modern times with humans.
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
Title: Persian Tales (1919)
Author: D.L.R. Lorimer and E.O. Lorimer
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
Title: Persian Tales (1919)
Author: D.L.R. Lorimer and E.O. Lorimer
Landon, I thought you did a great job with this story! It definitely wasn't what I was expecting when I started this story, but I loved the way you wrote it. I thought your writing was compelling and I loved how you made the characters people rather than goats, making it more relatable to your audience. You did a great job at setting up the plot and then incorporating dialogue in the story. Overall, great job with the writing and your execution of the story!
ReplyDeleteReal quick, in your first sentence you're missing a word- it says "in an apartment the heart of.." and might sound better if you added the word "in" in-between "apartment" and "the." That being said, I enjoyed your story a lot! I loved that you used people to make this story more relatable. This story was very easy to read and kept me engaged. I couldn't tear myself away, all I could think about was those children! I love that the single mom who is working hard to provide for her children comes home and becomes a hero by protecting her kiddos. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteIt looks like Bria caught the only technical mistake I found in reading your story. Other than that it was well written. I didn’t know what was going to happen and was a little upset when that con took her children. It was not what I was expecting. As a mother of two, I would have straight pushed him out of the window! :)
ReplyDeleteHey, Landon! This story was great – it was certainly entertaining and the idea of such a hardcore diner-waitress was very amusing. I think you did a good job of clearly expressing the plot and the added dialogue was also great. The picture was also a nice touch. I can’t really think of anything to improve on. The story was entertaining enough. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI read the original story, and you did an amazing job with this modern version. You kept the underlying story through and through, and changed the themes perfectly with the age we live in! The only question I have is why the convict wanted the kids in the first place. The wolf wanted the goats to eat them, does that mean the convict is a cannibal? If so that would be a pretty dark and suspenseful story.
ReplyDeleteI have also read the original story and I loved your version of it. It made it more entertaining that it was set in modern times with the hardworking mother. I could easily picture the characters and it flowed really well. Your story was also easy to read and I liked how the dialogue was broken up. It helped to follow the story. I really liked it.
ReplyDeleteHey Landon!
ReplyDeleteFantastic story. I liked the details you gave to describe the mother and her situation. I noticed that you split all the quotes into separate paragraphs, which is definitely the best way to do quotes because you can easily identify the speaker. The conflict was so abrupt that it caught me off guard, which was good. Glad the mom had that bat. Again, good job! I will definitely continue to read your stories.