I read your storytellin piece about Noah and Joshua from your portfolio. I think you did a really good job coming up with an original creative concept for this storytelling post. You had a few grammatical errors scattered throughout your post. Build should be built at the very beginning, since it was the second second it was a somewhat glaring misuse of tense since your readers aren’t full absorbed into your concept yet. Other than that just minor coma use and syntax. Overall, I really do like this concept. The author’s note at the end when you explain your reasons for your decisions and let us know what you wanted to accomplish was very well done. The whole of your story worked very well together to accomplish that which you had sought out to accomplish. This is a good idea and the incorporation of a brother was a really good way to really way to get there
Landon, I read your story The Fish and the Leopard. Your picture scared me a little when I first opened the page. It was very creepy, yet fitting for the tale. I like the alliterations that are the names of your main characters, very clever. I also really liked your twist on the original tale. You added a few more dynamics that made the story more interesting overall. Bringing their family into their mix was such a great idea. One thing that would have been interesting to see was maybe a relationship between the fish son and the leopard since he was training him to fight. Your story had a great element of surprise; I really had no idea what the fish was plotting. I really do like tales of explanation and this was a great one. I did not catch any spelling errors but there was a little odd sentence structure, here and there. I think if you read through the story one more time, out loud, you will probably hear what I am talking about. I think you could fix it no problem. Other than that I really enjoyed your story.
I read your storytellin piece about Noah and Joshua from your portfolio. I think you did a really good job coming up with an original creative concept for this storytelling post. You had a few grammatical errors scattered throughout your post. Build should be built at the very beginning, since it was the second second it was a somewhat glaring misuse of tense since your readers aren’t full absorbed into your concept yet. Other than that just minor coma use and syntax. Overall, I really do like this concept. The author’s note at the end when you explain your reasons for your decisions and let us know what you wanted to accomplish was very well done. The whole of your story worked very well together to accomplish that which you had sought out to accomplish. This is a good idea and the incorporation of a brother was a really good way to really way to get there
ReplyDeleteLandon, I read your story The Fish and the Leopard. Your picture scared me a little when I first opened the page. It was very creepy, yet fitting for the tale. I like the alliterations that are the names of your main characters, very clever. I also really liked your twist on the original tale. You added a few more dynamics that made the story more interesting overall. Bringing their family into their mix was such a great idea. One thing that would have been interesting to see was maybe a relationship between the fish son and the leopard since he was training him to fight. Your story had a great element of surprise; I really had no idea what the fish was plotting. I really do like tales of explanation and this was a great one. I did not catch any spelling errors but there was a little odd sentence structure, here and there. I think if you read through the story one more time, out loud, you will probably hear what I am talking about. I think you could fix it no problem. Other than that I really enjoyed your story.
ReplyDelete